The topic of guests taking photos at weddings can be a pretty sensitive topic, and understandably so. You’ve been invited to the wedding because you matter to the couple, and because they matter to you, you come to the wedding. It’s an important day and you want to have fond memories of it. Vendors want to remember the experience fondly as well. By following these basic points of etiquette, we can all have our cake and eat it too.

PLEASE DON’T MOVE MY THINGS
This happened to me at a wedding a few years ago. The venue was filling up and they needed the space. To make room for people to sit and stand, someone moved my camera equipment. I was less than thrilled. When I went to swap memory cards, I couldn’t find my things. I had no idea where they were. For all I knew, they could have been stolen and camera gear is not cheap. That moment of panic is not one you want to have on a wedding day as a photographer. Luckily, my equipment was not stolen, it had simply been moved and nothing had been damaged. The person who moved it did not know the value of the items in my bag or whether or not they were secure. If you need to move any vendors’ equipment, it is best to find them, and ask them to move it. If you don’t know how it’s situated or how to handle it, something could break, potentially leaving the vendor unable to do their job. I will always be willing to move my gear providing it’s not right in the middle of the ceremony or other key moment. If it’s in your way, just ask and I’ll be happy to accommodate your request.

PLEASE UNPLUG DURING THE CEREMONY
The couple has invited you to be present on their special day, and it may be exciting for you, too. Weddings are a time when people come together and celebrate, as well as connect with people they haven’t seen in a while. This is reason enough for you to want to capture your own experience of their day. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have those memories on your devices. But what if you put the devices down for the ceremony, and other key moments? Would it change your experience for better or for worse? I know when I have a device or a camera in front of my face, my attention is divided and I am not completely present in the moment. As the 2020 wedding season approaches, perhaps consider leaving your devices in the car, in your purse, or in your pocket, and just be present. As someone who will photograph a carton of fried rice because it’s delicious, and then not even use that photo for anything, I’ve learned that sometimes it's better to simply savor the moments without having to document them, and let them be what they are.

PLEASE BE COURTEOUS WHEN TAKING PHOTOS DURING FORMALS
Photographers will have different ways of handling formals such as family and wedding party images. Other photographers will ask that people put their phones away, and others still will take their photos, and then allow everyone else to take the photos they want. This is how I tend to do things. If you are unsure of how the photographer wants to do things, then it’s perfectly okay to ask. I know if a guest came up to me and said they wanted photos but didn’t want to get in my way, I would be enthusiastically pleased. I might even comment to the bride about how much I appreciated the courtesy. People who do that deserve cookies.

It’s important that guests are not taking photos at the same time as the photographer because it draws the subjects’ attention away from the photographer, resulting in images where each subject is looking in at least two different directions. I want everyone looking at my camera for my photos. When I’m done, as long as people are respectful and aware of the fact that I am on a schedule, I don’t even mind people stepping in front of me to get photos. If you are a guest and wanting photos of the family wouldn’t you want everyone looking at your camera? If you wait for the hired photographer to get their photos and then take your own, your photos will turn out better.

PLEASE BE MINDFUL OF WHERE I AM WORKING
This one can be tricky for guests because it’s not their job to know where I’m working or shooting at any given moment. It hasn’t come up too much in my own experience, but when it has, it’s almost always during a key moment during the reception, such as a grand entrance or the first dance. I really don’t expect you to be paying attention to my every move every minute of the day. That would be a ridiculous request, and one I have more sense than to ask. I understand that you are at a wedding and you’re trying to enjoy yourself. That’s exactly what you should be doing. The important thing to remember during a key moment at the reception is this: if you see my camera in front of my face, duck if you have to step in front of me or wait until I’m not taking a picture. We already do this everywhere photos are taken. If you see someone with their phone or camera up, we typically know to wait till they’ve taken their picture or duck as you pass. It’s the same principle that applies here. It’s hard for guests because they aren’t there to pay attention to the photographer. They are there to celebrate the bride and groom. Because of this, it’s easy to get in the photographer’s way without realizing it. To prevent this, simply be mindful of the moment and what is going on around you.

Key moments during the reception might include the first dance, parent dances, speeches, garter and bouquet toss, grand entrance, and the cake cutting (this is one where people often get in my shot without realizing it). Outside of these moments, I really don’t care where you go. In fact, if you want to make a silly face with your husband of 40 years up close to the camera, if you want to throw down some sick dance moves or start a dance-off where I have trouble finding a place to shoot from, I say go for it. It’s a wedding. Let loose. Have fun. Celebrate, because that’s what you’re there for.

Following this etiquette is a great way to keep vendors happy and still get all the memories you want out of a wedding day. Believe me, nobody gets the urge to snap a few photos at a wedding more than the photographer who isn’t working that day (and even one who is). Personal photos from guests can be just as meaningful to the couple as those taken by the hired photographers. In capturing those moments, it’s important that you be mindful of the work that is being done by the hired vendors. If you are unsure of something, just ask. Any of the vendors should be able to give you a friendly, professional answer.

FURTHER READING:
Corey Talks • Why You Should Have an Unplugged Wedding