When I started my own company, I fully expected to meet resistance. I didn’t expect who it came from. I expected it would come from people who think I’m overpriced, who think I don’t have a real job or that freelancing is just a fancy word for lounging around all day. Some of those lines of thinking were true, but they didn’t come from people in my professional life. They came from people closer to me in my personal life. I’m not writing this to air my dirty laundry about what people have said. My purpose in sharing these things is to offer people a way to deal with the people who push back, because it can be really hard to deal with sometimes. This is something that I am still learning and seasoned entrepreneur or not, sometimes these things can be difficult to address.
“When will you reevaluate whether or not this is the right path for you?”
This one was asked to me only a few months after I’d started my company. I remember that this person was asking the question, not out of genuine interest, but because she disagreed with the decision and had already decided that it wasn’t the right path for me. (Seriously, who asks that after only two months?) People don’t understand this path, but to answer her question, I will reevaluate my decision when I start to wonder if it’s the right path, or I encounter a new opportunity that asks me the question, “Is it time to move on from my company as a full time commitment?” The people who expect you to fail aren’t the people you need to keep close. They’ve got the cheap seats.
“Maybe you need to live within your means.”
This naysayer was assuming that I don’t have clients, or any income from my work. This person has never looked at my books, my bank accounts or profit and loss statements. There is no way she could know what my means are. I may be jumping to conclusions, but I think this statement is tied to the belief that I’m not actually working, or that my job is not legitimate. One thing you can say if someone suggests that you’re not making enough money for how you live is “What makes you think I’m not?” It’s okay to ask such a question that would make someone answer for their perception on your work. While its generally considered rude to ask people about their financial situation, if someone is doing this, making them answer for their view is not out of line. Ignoring it is also a good option. Nothing you say will change their mind.
“You have to get a job. You can’t just start taking vacations whenever you want.”
This person suggested that I don’t have a job, as her remarks implied that I need something that I don’t already have. I actually did respond to this person by saying, “I can’t take vacations whenever I want unless I pay for them with money I make from the job that I work. Just like I paid for my last vacation.” This wasn’t terribly well received, and this person continues to dismiss me. And that’s okay. Let your naysayers naysay. Some people will never accept your choice of employment as legitimate. One of my favorite responses to this is something my dad used to say when he had no plans to do what I suggested: “I’ll get right on that.” You don’t owe anyone an answer.
“You work for yourself? Oh, then you have plenty of time!”
This is one of the more inconsiderate things I’ve heard. The truth is that people don’t understand how much work goes into starting and running a company. This one was a tough one. It’s fair to say that you do not, in fact, have plenty of time to just drop everything to cater to their every whim. If someone wants my assistance and they expect me to drop everything to meet their needs, and then make a comment like that they lose the privilege of having my help. You don’t get to be disrespectful and expect me to still help you. In this case, I would simply say, “I have to go, I have a client waiting.” And leave.
The other side of this coin is when the person genuinely doesn’t understand how much work goes into running your own business (and it’s really not terribly difficult to tell where they’re coming from). In this case, maybe sit down and talk to them about what you do for a living. Help them to understand. The idea that freelancing or self-employment is simply a cop-out for doing “real” work is ubiquitous. If someone genuinely doesn’t know any better it’s a good idea to give them the benefit of the doubt and explain it.
These are just some of the comments I’ve received from other people. Even three years into it, some of these remarks still get to me, but I’m learning to set the necessary boundaries that will keep me focused on what I need to do. Freelancing is similar to golf: Keep your head down, focus on what’s in front of you, and follow through. In short, focus on your goals and don’t get distracted by the outside noise. In this kind of work, there are always detractors willing to tell you that, in some form or fashion, you can’t. Sometimes the best thing to do for the relationship is to just ignore it, sometimes you have to tread lightly, and sometimes you just have to flip the proverbial bird and move on.